Bill White’s HEALTHY COUPLES Web Blog


** Testimonials

 

NOTE 12-2016: For those of you who haven’t been in to see me in a while, I am continually changing and upgrading my work. Below are older comments from clients. One of these days I’ll add a host of other testimonials that are more recent.

I have darkened some points if you would rather skim the main points. 

 

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COMMENTS FROM 2007-JULY 2008

(MOSTLY FROM COUPLES)

(See 2009 and on below this)

1)     This was at the end of their first session (2 ½ hours): “When my husband suggested we go see you, I was skeptical. I am so surprised. Your work is genius. I didn’t expect this. You are very good. And I have very high standards.”

 

After second session: “We could not have done this with anyone else. It would have been a disaster. You walked me through the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Without your work, I would have been the victim of all this tangled mess.”

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2)     Your work is quick. And you are brave. You bring up the ‘undiscussable’. You go to places that are uncomfortable for everybody—but are necessary. Most therapists are not trained to do that. They’re trained to guide their clients to figure it out for themselves. Some things you can’t figure out without active feedback from the therapist.” 

 

And later:

“I would have never been able to see the patterns my husband and I were trapped in. Now I see them. I am able to own my power and say the things I was never able to say. When my husband sets the ‘trap’ that before would squash my power, I speak with kindness and power. It’s only because of your work that I am able to do that. Your work is never going to leave me. Thank you for the really good work you did with us.”

 

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3)     “Thank you for all your caring, support, and insight. Your work is truly courageous—taking risks with couples that have built up armor and defenses to protect each other’s rightness! You don’t let anyone get away with this. Rather, you helped us see the root cause of the childhood patterns that were being repeated in our relationship. I am amazed at what I learned from your facilitative and reflective methods, especially the mapping out of the patterns from childhood to the present.” ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

 

4)     “My husband and I have wanted to get some help and have needed it for a long time, but we never did. In one 2-hr session the mystery of our entire 23-year relationship challenges were outlined on your boards. We both left your office feeling optimistic, and with new tools that we know will work.”

 

Then a note a few days later:

 

“Thank you so much for the session.  I am now much more aware of my words–even more than before–and have begun to feel that ‘feeling of defensiveness’ when it creeps in. I then am able to move through the initial discomfort of feeling vulnerable, and then into feeling very connected. Wow, we sure did cover some under-explored ground.  

 

I am so pleased that you did well on your TV interview since you are very gifted and need to share your light with the world.

 

So glad you walked into my yoga class!”

         

 

5)     This is from a couple that had been having serious trouble raging at one another, breaking things, and screaming in each other’s faces. The husband had severe abuse in childhood. His wife had a typical dysfunctional childhood. This is her e-mail to me after the first session.

 

“Just wanted to share with you what I consider to be a huge breakthrough that R. and I had this morning. He spent the night at my house and I had set my alarm clock for him (a new one that I thought I knew how to set) He also set his phone alarm as a back up, well I didn’t set mine right and he set his for pm! He woke up at 3:45 instead of 3:15 and was instantly enraged at waking up late! Normally this would have escalated into a horrible upset between us, however, R. caught himself and did not leave being upset with me! He also called moments later and apologized for yelling and stated he hoped he hadn’t scared me or upset me by yelling! Yeah! Thank you for your help, worked great so far, day one!”

 

The next  e-mail from her:

 

When I first met you I had a hard time feeling good with you. You talked about connecting to your fear, instead of your anger. I realize that, for me, acknowledging my fear “makes me a weak person”. After working with you, I want to thank you. I realize it’s okay to acknowledge my fear. Within the first 30 minutes of our session I had a deep aha moment when I realized that when R. got angry with me, it reminded me of my Mother’s anger and I got scared. I never knew childhood had such an influence. I had pushed it back. My family looked pretty good, so I thought there wasn’t that much influence. I would have never of guessed in a million years that that was still there.”

 

We’ve done a number of transformational personal growth courses that have been really helpful, but they don’t paint a path to get from A to B. You do. You provide the details of how to get there, and it’s been so helpful. We are catching ourselves when we start to get into unproductive protection modes like defensiveness and anger. I stop myself and take time to figure out how to express something to R. that is kind and vulnerable, instead of hurtful.” 

 

 

6)     “You are a truly masterful mentor, far surpassing the basic cookie-cutter counselor. You don’t just sit and listen. You are active in the session. I noticed right away that you were able to take what I was expressing and condense my messages into key points. You were able to sift through multiple layers of my painful thoughts and emotions, and then present them back to me so they made sense. Since the session, I’ve been looking at my life and relationships in a new light.”

 

7)     A phone message from a client: “I just had another experience of relating to another deeply injured soul. I will tell you right now, and I’ve said it before, from what I see out here in the world, I am encouraged ONLY by your work; solely by your work. What you have to share is the finest thing on the planet.”

 

8)     “As your friend, I didn’t know much about your work—until today. My girlfriend and I had an emotional argument that left me feeling really down. It looked like she and I would not be able to talk at all, and we would be going our separate ways without talking. You and I talked and things got much clearer for me.

 

You are different from the couples counselors I’ve been to who listen but don’t give a model of how to relate. They also don’t seem to be able to diffuse the emotions. You listened, but you also were directive in key ways.

 

I felt so much better after our 15-minute talk and was able to give my girlfriend a call later that day. Even though she responded to my call with that she didn’t think we could communicate about our situation, I was more humble and apologized for my part–which you helped me see. She softened and we talked. We recognized that we wanted things from each other that neither could give, and were able to bring our romance to a close without confusion and hard feelings. Thank you for your help.”

 

_______________________________________

9)  This couple was in severe pain from wounding each other verbally and emotionally for years. They could barely look at each other without reacting like frightened animals:

 

“That first session really did us a lot of good. I don’t know if you realize how much you’ve helped us. You probably see this all the time. But we’ve been doing very well together since the session. We both agree that you’re just amazing. You have your techniques down, you’re intuitive. You just seem to have it. We’re very happy with the work so far. We thank you so much.”

 

And an e-mail months later (they hadn’t returned for a session):

 

“Sometimes without realizing it we do help others, and you have helped us a great deal. Your suggestions along with the printed materials have essentially eliminated the ignition (so far) that leads to the pain and anguish. We have been suffering from what we now see amounts to simply misunderstandings. You are a natural with what you do. Keep up the good work.”

_________________________________________

 

10) “Now it seems so easy. Almost like we could have figured this out and not needed to come to you. But we wouldn’t have figured it out.” 

______________________________________________

 

11) From a single person and a non-relationship issue:

 

“Thank you SO much for being there when I called today.  I don’t know what happened but I shifted off the funk I was in–in a huge way. I do know it was because of our conversation. So thank you for what you do and who you are.

 

You’re doing what you’re meant to do. It got me over that bridge! I love you.”

___________________________________________

 

12)  This is from a holistic energy healer: What I have heard from my own clients about their experiences with traditional therapy (as well as what I have experienced) is that it is often like going through the same old, ‘here we go around that same mountain again and again’ with minimal results or clarity. I’m impressed with how quickly you get to core issues. You don’t focus on the symptoms; you focus on the source of the symptoms.  And you have a great capacity to listen from a place of love and non-judgment.”

 _____________________________________

13) Our sessions with Bill were extraordinary in part because my partner is educated and degreed as a marriage therapist. She has been in the field for 30 years. I have also been extensively trained in communication and conflict resolution—especially with love relationships. With as much skill and training as we have, when we can’t figure out what’s happening in our relationship, we go to Bill. We are impressed with Bill’s ability to do the work he does. 
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14)  This is from a couple that called me and decided to go with a professional that takes their insurance. Six months later they came to see me. They had gotten a little help from the other professional, but were not happy with each other and it looked like their marriage was probably going to end.

“When we first walked into your office a few months ago, J. and I were feeling overwhelmed with bad “stuff.”  Anger, resentment, hurt, fear, it was all there and for the life of us we couldn’t figure out how to fix it.  We had been struggling for many years.

 

The change seems almost magical. We are like a different couple now, much more loving, actually talking about things without getting upset, and enjoying our time together.  We are much more relaxed and the tension is gone.

 

We absolutely could not have done it without you.  Your methods are unlike other counselors, and so much more effective.  THANK YOU!!!!”

 

 

(This was also one of those couples that didn’t see a quick turnaround in their relationship. It took us 17 hours of session time to get the relationship turned around. The point is that most everyone gets clear results right away, but it takes longer for some couples to get to the place where the safety and consistent good feelings about one another return. This couple had both the commitment to stick with it, and they were willing to allow me to guide them out of their distress.)

 

 

 

 

 

COMMENTS AFTER JULY 2008

(MOSTLY FROM COUPLES)

 

15)

This is from a couple, married 34 years, who were in severe pain with one another. Their connection was empty, other than hateful arguments. We had very, very difficult sessions. Sometimes having to take one to a different room to diffuse the rage. It took us almost 50 hours of session time to make the turnaround. This is the wife’s e-mail to me when our work was done:

 

I feel so much happier and at peace with D. and with our life together than I felt six months ago. 

The core of your work with us was your helping us understand that our interpretation of what our partner was saying was often different than what our partner was really saying.  It helped to explore our childhood and the “baggage” that we brought into our marriage.  It amazes me that my interpretations were often though the eyes of a child.

Thank you, Bill, for helping me “see” D. as the man I’ve been proud to be married to for the last 34 years.

 

 

                                                                                                B.S., Tucson

 

16)

This is a couple who have been to a number of counselors, with no help. The husband had already decided to end the relationship, but was going to me as a last ditch, half-hearted effort. Part of their dynamics is that he didn’t express his feelings and held resentments. His wife would blow up in anger and he’d retreat even more.

 

After 10 hours in session over the course of 3 days, I got this e-mail from her:

I have encountered an unexpected pleasant surprise… last night P came home from work and reached out to share with me that he wants to make this relationship work out! Not what I was expecting… but I am very grateful that he has come around and is willing to accept that his behaviors contributed to the problems in our relationship. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE! (I mean that from the bottom of my heart!). Your business card is on our refrigerator as an added reminder of how we were saved, and whom we owe everything to!!  Thank you for your incredible work! 

E-mail from the husband 

Bill, Due to your ability to have us see the true reasons for our conflict we have made huge adjustments. Our conflicts are rooted in our individual pasts, which cause us to interact inappropriately. Our new mantra is” If you feel it, say it. If you say it, do so with kindness and respect”.

 

You’re a true miracle worker. If we have additional strife we will be in contact.

                                                                                    P. & C., Tucson

 

17)

You have an obvious gift of insight and intuition to share with people that is delightful.

I have been to tons of therapy in my lifetime. In 30 minutes of coaching I got better insight than I’d gotten with any of them.

                                                                                                C., Tucson

 

18) 

These are the comments from a woman of a couple after the first session (1 ½ hours). Their relationship was about over. She didn’t see much hope.

 

“This is by far the best counseling session I’ve ever had. I had no idea we could actually get to a place of resolution in the first session. You are very good. I feel SO relieved. Like a heavy rock has been lifted off me.”

 

This is card I received from her a week later. She wrote it just after the session.  

 

Dear Bill,

Thank you for helping me and J. in our session last night. I really didn’t expect that counseling would work for us, but it really did! I left feeling a thousand times better than when I came in. I was amazed how quickly you got things to that point. 

At dinner after our session, J. said how happy he was to see me with the ‘sparkle’ back in my eyes. I think he was feeling better that I was feeling better. So we both went home very pleased with the outcome. (He even reviewed your basic relationship principles for success over dinner and says he’s eager to start applying them.) Who knew that this thing could be improved so quickly and painlessly?

Thank you for helping us.                                            C.M., Tucson

 

 


3 Comments so far
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Bill
may the love pass through us all, like the wind of a fresh sunny day…intend all is well with you
Love
Annie and Bill Peak Potentials
Kosher Caregivers

Comment by BILL SALMANSOHN

Bill is the best in talking to anyone an any situation . I appreciate knowing Bill Sandra Jones realtor

Comment by Sandra Jones




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